Thursday, August 30

Xzibit and Baby Landon

I have crazy dreams. I mean, hide yo babies and hide yo wives-crazy dreams. I noticed I have these dreams when I eat dinner later than normal or have some type of sugar close to the time we go to bed. But every now and then, I have really wacko dreams for no apparent reason. And they're pretty entertaining. So sit back and enjoy reading my story about my baby, Landon, and Xzibit-being a ninja instead of a rapper-who so happens to save my life.


Get excited :P

I had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy. I was talking with my mom about what I should name him. I had a list of my top three names. I don't remember what the top two were but my third choice was Landon. And for whatever reason, I was not around when the nurse came in my room with the birth certificate. So my mom filled out and signed everything for me. The shitty thing about this, and I feel a little pissed in real life, is that she named my son Landon. Not that it's not a pretty name, but it was my third choice! I went to confront her and she told me she thought that it was what I wanted. But after explaining it was my last choice of a name, she argues that THIRD sounds like FIRST so she thought she was helping me out when I wasn't there. And because of this mix-up and the name not being my first choice, the hospital wouldn't let me take Landon home. I was about to steal my own baby!!

Off we go. Nonchalant. Through the hallways. Not a person in the front lobby tried to stop me. As soon as I stepped my foot over the hospital's property line, these ninjas started appearing over the rooftops. I froze and just looked at them all. There must have been two hundred, at least. The ninja in the far right corner makes the first move and I just dash for my car putting baby Landon in my over sized pocket for protection. Because that was the only way to protect him, apparently. Before I could reach my car, Xzibit pulls up in his pimped out Impala and orders me to get in. I did. And as he's driving away I'm stunned in silence. Xzhibit just saved me! How in the world did Xzibit know where I was or what was about to happen? Then I noticed he wasn't wearing his typical clothes but ninja-wear. Thoughts are just leaping in my head. Xzibit is a ninja now? What happened to his rapping and his Pimp My Ride show? Is he going to save me? Do I have to rap for his approval? What's going on?!?! I found out that he was a ninja and when I asked him about his rapping career, he acted like he knew nothing about it. Weird. I turned around in my seat and could see the other ninjas just jumping and swinging from building to building, getting closer and closer as we sit in traffic. Xzibit turns down some random alley and as soon as we reached the end, we weren't in the city anymore. We were in this mountainous area with snow in some places and floods in other places. But I looked back and the ninjas weren't there anymore. Xzibit said it wouldn't be long before they were on our tails again so we had to think quick of an idea to hide.

He drops me off at this ski equipment/rental store and tells me to hide inside so he could fight off the others once they got there. I could hear the tires squealing when he drove off as I was looking around for a place to hide where I wouldn't easily be seen. I began looking around and thought maybe behind clothes would be a good place or in the back room where employees sit but I knew that would be the first place they'd look. I decided to jump in the front window, donned with all the ski apparel I could find and act like a mannequin. But by then, baby Landon was softly crying and beginning to wake up. I wanted to sing to him but as soon as I started to sing, the ninjas barreled in the store. I instantly took my pose and smiled with my mouth closed and hummed. Baby Landon could hear the humming and he began to quiet down but the ninjas became suspicious and the clerks told them it was the store music. They believed it and they left. Thankfully. I started to move down from the podium to soothe Landon and one of the ninjas busted through the back door and saw me.

I ran out the front doors and grabbed a boogie board on the way because while I was in the window I noticed the snow was starting to melt. And since the store was on a hill, it was gushing down the mountains like a flood. That's how I knew to grab the boogie board. As I sat on my knees and let the water wash me down the hill, I look back and see Xzibit fighting back all the ninjas. He yelled to me that he had my back and to get to safety.

Then I woke up.

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